Tim goes downstairs and announces that we have a problem: the kitchen sink pipes were frozen. I panic because all I have been hearing about is pipes bursting and the thousands of dollars it costs to fix said frozen pipes. This is a real concern, because apparently Ohio has somehow been relocated and placed in the middle of Ant-frickin-arctica. It is also a concern because we just spent our savings account on a new furance. So, I call work and tell them I will be late, because we are trying to thaw out the pipes. My boss is a super nice guy and told me just to stay home. I am conflicted with this because I am one of those people that gets major guilty feelings for missing work. Time to take the anxiety meds!
Tim drives around town looking for small space heaters because we need one to heat up the area of the garage where the frozen pipes are located. He finally finds one at Meijer...probably the last one in the tri-state area.
I decide that while we are waiting for the heater to do its magic, it would be a great idea for me to pick up donuts and coffee. I am stressed, right? I have a million things to do at work and here I sit at home cursing at a piece of frozen metal. I want a donut, damn it! No, I want TWO donuts! I want a chocolate frosted one and one of those cinnamon twisted ones with glaze. I want a giant cup of coffee cause it is cold outside! I giant cup of coffee with a load of cream and two packets of sugar. Do I listen to my inner voice, that says, "Courtney, your jeans are so loose on you this week and you just fit into a pair of jeans that you haven't been able to zip in months." Nope. I go out into the Antarctic temperatures to buy sugar laden, carb-filled,
This donut indulgence got me to thinking...
I am not a stress eater. (What? ...you may say...) Just hear me out!
I am NOT a stress eater. When I am really upset and stressed about something, I do not eat. I lose my appetite. I can't eat. When I was at the worst of my anxiety problem, I went almost two days with barely eating a morsel.
I eat badly when I am suddenly thrown off my routine. I had a plan for today. I had a lunch packed. I was ready to go about my business like I do every day. Something came up though and my schedule was totally thrown for a loop. So somewhere in my distorted thinking, I rationalized by saying, "Well, the day is already wacko! May as well have a donut! May as well do whatever I want, because the day had no regard for my plans!" I know how ridiculous this sounds. I cannot really accurately put my frame of mind into words.
Am I disappointed in myself? Yes. Am I beating myself up over it? Not really. I know that I will back into my routine soon and things will be back to normal. I guess I am just trying to tell myself that life happens and to roll with the punches. What happened today is not a giant deal. It was just an inconvenience.
There will be more donuts. I am just glad that I am thinking all of this through rather than hating myself. That's progress, I think.
Did I mention that I fit into jeans this morning that have not fastened in months? ;)