I have this sad trend in my life. I lie to myself.
This past summer I finally got on a healthy routine. I was eating the best I have ever eaten in my life. I was exercising. I was actually losing weight. Then, summer ended and I went back to work.
Since then, I have gained weight. Since then, despite my recent efforts, I have not lost a single darned pound. I have also not updated my progress page. My weight has been frozen in time since July 18th. Since July 18th, I have gained 4 pounds. Now, four pounds is not too shabby when you throw in stress eating since August and Thanksgiving. It is still not where I wanted to be though. It is almost like I have this mentality where if I tell myself that everything is GREAT, it will be. Lies, all lies... Admitting that things have gone backwards would mean that it is true. If I don't own up to it, everything is a-ok. Suuuuuure...
So, I am back to 255 pounds. It makes me sick. It is a sad thing to admit, but I know that it is a reality. People who know me and people who have seen me know that I am overweight...and thus have a number on the scale to match. I could SAY that I weight 199, but that would be bullshit and everyone would know it too.
I am no longer going to do weekly weigh ins for my progress page. I have decided to do monthly goals instead...monthly goals that I will report back on. My monthly goals may include a weight, a task, or both. I will sprinkle in some progress pics as I see fit.
I have decided to do this because I think I start to lie to myself when it comes to the number on the scale. I obsess over that number, and it needs to stop! That number means nothing if I do not take the steps necessary to earn it. I know it is kind of a late start to December, but I am still going to make some December goals. I will report back on my results at the start of January.