You need a serious pep-talk, sweetie. You need some serious motivation. You were doing SO WELL before you started back to work in August. You were exercising two times per day...losing weight and toning up. Your motivation was unwavering. You were happy. You were proud. Your confidence was creeping up.
So, things lately have not been ideal. You have been exhausted and have used every excuse in the book to get out of doing what you need to do...doing what you know in your heart you really WANT to do. Something is holding you back, and the hard part is figuring out what exactly has gotten in the way and why.
Nobody's life is perfect. You are now sitting at a desk, in an office, at the job of your dreams. You are making more money. You are working in a much more cohesive, healthy environment. While it seemed like when this piece of your life came together, all of your problems would be solved, you were wrong. More success at work is not going to bring you health and happiness unless you make it a part of the puzzle. Right now there are a lot of puzzle pieces going on in your life -- career, finances, marriage, children, health, friendships, etc. The problem is that all of those puzzle pieces are corner pieces or something. You have not found how to incorporate them all together so that the big picture can be something beautiful that you can be proud of. I guess the question is, how are you going to pull it all together?
I wish you had the perfect answer to this question. I do think, however, that once you love yourself more, the picture will start to fill itself in. You are WORTHY. You are LOVED. Just love yourself. Your shortcomings to not define you. Being overweight is not your identity. I know you have let it become who you are. That is so unfair. You are full of life and a love for life. You have a kind heart and a loving spirit. Don't let your self-doubt be the cloud that overshadows your path to success.
You can do this. You are worth it.