Pain in the Ass

Literally.

Pain in the ass.

I am injured.  I wish I could say it was because I was finally finishing my first ever marathon and I fell on my butt and injured it due to the fact that my feeling of accomplishment was so overwhelming that my legs would no longer carry me.  No.  I hurt myself as I was lifting my sleeping daughter from the car last Saturday night after I had taken her on a trip to urgent care at Cincinnati Children's Hospital after discovering that she had pin worms! (Yes, pin worms....yes, GRODY TO THE MAX...that is another story all together.  Ah, the joys of daycare centers...)  She has since been treated and is fine.  I wish I could say the same for my butt.

Anyway, the pain started very slightly.  So slightly that I still plowed ahead and cleaned the house like a maniac because of the fear that Darcy's butt worms had contaminated the entire house.  Each day last week it got a little worse.  Then, Thursday night it hurt so bad, I was near tears.  By Friday I could barely walk, so I decided it would be a good idea to head to the doctor after work.  Apparently, I injured my piriformis. When people are injured here they often mistake it for sciatica because of the vicinity to your tail bone, hip, and butt cheek.   I was prescribed some anti-inflammatory medication and a muscle relaxer.  

Because of the pain I was in, I did not exercise last week as planned.  I had my a-ha moment at the doctor when I was telling her how I had finally recommitted to exercise and the BAM! hurty butt.  She was very encouraging and told me not to give up and that this was a mere bump in the road.  She also said, "Well, you can still get out there and walk until you feel like you can run again.  Walking is great exercise too."   DUH! I am a moron.  I swear I did not even think of that.  It is like I wanna go balls to the wall and not do something as "easy" as walking.  I am an idiot.  Of course, I could walk!  It is much better than riding the sofa like I have been.  I am sure I would have probably even felt BETTER if I would have done light exercise.  So, until I feel better, I will walk.  Simple as that.

I have also decided that muscle relaxers are scary.  Well, they make me sleepy, for one.  Annnnd, I kinda misread the instructions on the medication bottle (because I was tired, in pain, and stupid) and took two at once the first night.  I literally realized what I had done AFTER I had swallowed that last pill.  Then I read on the warnings how bad it is to take two, etc.  I called Poison Control in a panic.  Because of my weight, I was told that I would survive this stupid error (although, they were much nicer about it).  I got all loopy and drunk-like and decided it would be best for me to go to bed and call it a night.  I woke up Saturday morning still sore, but oh well.  I got up anyway, got packed, got in the car with the family, and went up to New Haven, Indiana to celebrate the birthdays of both Darcy and my niece.  It was fun. I survived.  I am even feeling a little better.

I have a plan ready for the week -- including a new recipe to share.  I will share the plan and recipe tomorrow!

Now, some pictures from the weekend.  (Don't worry.  None of them involve my butt.)

Darcy got a "Punzel" doll that she can play with in the bathtub...courtesy of Grandma Brooks.

Her Better Now Baby -- Her cheeks light up to show she has a fever and Darcy can take care of her with the little doctor kit that comes with it.  Toys are so much cooler than when I was a kid.

Darcy and my lovely niece waiting to blow out the candles.

Happy (early) Birthday to you!

Later on at the park getting her face painted.

This was supposed to be an angel, but it looks more like a butterfly.  Still cute though.

Tim and I went on a kind of date night which included sifting through used vinyl at the local record store.  This one makes me laugh.  Who doesn't love a little Cameo? Word up!

Wanted: A Plan

Ok, so I have come clean with the fact that I have slipped back into my lazy ways -- much to my dismay.  I am now suffering from the, "I will start anew on Monday" syndrome...even though I know that is complete bullshit.

Why is it bullshit?  Because I have no plan of action.  I can't just start doing everything the right way when I have not equipped myself to do so.  It is kind of like going skydiving without a parachute, you know?  In the same way that a sky diver cannot just take a leap on good faith that they will somehow acquire the ability to fly and not plummet to his or her death, I need a plan.   Sure, I can say that I am gonna do it, but without a plan to do so I am not all of a sudden going to magically be successful.  I am not Superwoman.

Soooo, the plan.  This is tough.  I may need some help with this, dear readers.  I am going to give you the part of my plan that I do have in place.   If any of you all have suggestions for the areas where I am, well, diving without a parachute, please chime in.  I am not to ashamed to admit that I could use some help.

PLAN PART 1:

EXERCISE:   I plan to start from scratch with the Couch to 5K program.  It is unrealistic for me to say that I am going to get up at 4:30 AM and run (because Courtney+getting up that early by choice = no freakin' way).    Instead, I am going to take nice evening runs after the kids are in bed.  The sun is going down, the weather is cooler, and it is a nice way to unwind.  The one night I will take off is Thursday because I take Aidan to martial arts on Thursdays.  Other than that, I have zero excuse.   I think I will throw in 30 Day Shred on the weekend for shits and giggles.  ;)

Evening running is nice.  So peaceful.  :)

PLAN PART 2:

FOOD:  This part is difficult for me.  Most of the reason has to do with the good 'ol planning factor.  I did the Whole 30 and found that wheat was the culprit behind my bloaty nasty feeling that I have most of the time.  Therefore, I plan to plan a menu that is without wheat and grains.  I only eat grains once per week and that is reserved for the brown rice on my Thursday (post  martial arts lesson) Chipotle burrito bowl.  

I am honestly having trouble with menu plan.  I pack a lunch for work and I think that is the easiest part for me, honestly.  Salads are always a winner and I also enjoy packing bowls of fruit and yogurt.   

Breakfast is kind of boring.  I typically go with a protein shake and fruit.  I am boring here.  I want to avoid wheat and grains and I need something that I can eat on the drive to work.  I also really do not like eggs that much.  Breakfast suggestions anyone for a gal on the run? Who has to drive forever to work...and is in a perpetual rush every morning...

Dinner is hard.  This is only because I feel like I have to make two different meals -- my meal which is without grains and the other meal for my family.  My husband (bless his heart) is picky and will not eat this "healthy junk."  Darcy might.  Aidan defines picky -- but he has sensory issue in relation to food, so I will let him slide.  Soooo, advice request numero dos --- any advice for eating well when your family is super picky? 

I am going to get my Pinterest on and look for some good recipes and develop a menu plan for next week. Of course, I will post it for all of you to see and critique (if need be).  Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Phew!  I know this sounds odd, but just typing this out makes me feel less overwhelmed.  I feel my parachute forming!

Swift Kick

I need a swift kick in the butt.

I have been eating like crap.

I am barely exercising.

I have been lazy.

There are no excuses other than pure laziness.   I am baffled how I can go from being more motivated than I have ever been in my entire life to a very low point again.

Some of you may tell me not to be so hard on myself.  I appreciate that kind of encouragement, I am just angry.  Sometimes I really think I need some kind of counseling.

I feel great when I am doing things right, so why do I do this to myself?   I am making a commitment to myself to get myself back on track, but I am going to work on mainly food next week.  I am still planning on exercising, but my primary focus is the food.  With me, when the food is under control, everything else falls into place.

Finding My Voice

It has been too long.  I am not going to make excuses except that it is ALL my co-workers' fault.  The only time I can compose blogs is in the evening hours and they got me hooked on the show Scandal.  Soooo, I have spent every night for the past week watching back episodes on Netflix...instead of blogging.  I am sorry.  The show is like crack. I could not stop.  It was also a welcome escape because work has been stressful as hell.

I digress...

A few weeks ago, I blogged briefly about how my son, Aidan, had been bullied at daycare and how awful this had been for all of us.  Nothing is worse than knowing someone is hurting your child.  In order have a little extra help in my corner, I reached out to Aidan's martial arts coach.  They often speak about bullying at class, and thought that if he gave Aidan some tips, he may be more apt to listen.  He looks up to his coaches and having that bit of extra reinforcement would have to help.   After speaking to Aidan, his coach decided to give him a private lesson to discuss everything in more detail and to give him some self defense tips that would not involve fighting back.  When the coach began speaking to me about it, he mentioned helping Aidan find his voice...helping him be assertive in telling someone when how they are treating him is not ok.  For some reason this really struck a chord with me.  It made so much sense.  I started to think about how this applies to me in my own life...

Aidan with his coach after earning his orange belt.

So, I started to think of instances in my life where I need a stronger voice.   This is what I came up with:

The first is the voice that allows me to stand up for myself.   Unfortunately, I tend to be a doormat.  When people treat me unfairly or with disrespect, I often internalize it and don't retort.  I am one of those people that thinks of great come backs AFTER the fact.  I am often too tongue tied during, and am lucky to utter a single syllable.  I have been this way my entire life, and although I am getting better at it, I know it is something I will need to continue to work on.

I need to silence to voice that says it is sorry for every little thing.  You know what? Sometimes I am not sorry.  Sometimes there is no reason for me to be sorry.  

I need to fight back against the voice inside my head that tells me I can't do something or that I am not good enough for something.  This is unhealthy and most of all, untrue.  I can do anything I put my mind to.  So, the little bitchy voice inside my brain that tells me otherwise just needs to shut the hell up.  

It is time that we all found our voice.  Where in your life do you feel you need a stronger voice?

It's that time again...

So what if...

1. I have spent the past two weekends being a lazy bum on the couch.  I have taken an embarrassing number of naps.  I hate it when I am not productive, but I am tired.  Work is exhausting.  I needs to laze about whilst watching copious amounts of television on Netlfix.   I will get off my butt soon, I hope.  Ugh..
2. I have a serious Chipotle addiction.  I CRAVE this stuff.  I don't eat many grains or carbs at all any more, but I do indulge in a weekly burrito bowl.  I don't want to live in a world where I can't wait in an obscenely long line to get my burrito bowl every Thursday night.  Nom nom.
3. I have a snooze button problem. It has gotten so bad that I have to set my alarm way earlier to account for the multiple pushes of the snooze button.  Zzzzzzzzzzz...
4. All of my make up in my make up bag is old.  I just got some new Avon books from the lady who sells it at work.  Perhaps I should replace some key items.  Avon is awesome.  Nice stuff.  Low prices.  Booyah, my friends.  Booyah.
5. I have not cleaned my bathroom in way too long.  It has gotten so bad that I walk in there and turn around and walk back out cause I don't even want to look at it.  It isn't like I am walking around in filth, but let's just say it needs some work, folks.
6. The treadmill in my bedroom has turned into a clothing rack.  In my defense, it is not working properly right now.  Otherwise, I swear I would be using it for its intended purpose.  I would!  Really!
7. I am super pumped that the grocery store now has pumpkins and fall stuff is out.  I love fall.  Best. Season. Ever.
8. I have been so stressed at work that I am having fantasies about winning the lottery or getting some crazy huge inheritance from a super rich relative that I did not know even existed.  
9. I am going to San Antonio in October for work and am most excited that I get a hotel room all to myself.  On the flip side, I am nervous about flying.  I am not afraid of flying on airplanes, but it is has been over ten years since I have set foot on a plane.  There are all these new rules and crap.  I will be lucky if I can check in properly. 
10. I cannot for the life of me think of a 10th thing to write, but the OCD side of me cannot leave an odd number of entries.  

Purdy Clothes

There are a lot of reasons that I want to lose weight.  Health, of course, is the most prominent.  Today, however, I am going to focus on the shallower end of my goals.  I want purdy clothes, dang it!

As I have been losing weight, I have done a lot better with how I am dressing myself.  I feel more confident in dresses and am choosing style and patterns that I normally would not touch.  It feels good.  

There are some things, however, that I would LOVE to wear that I cannot quite swing yet.  My nose is kind of pressed up against the glass in a sense.

These are my fashion goals -- the ones that when met will cause me to do a little happy dance in the middle of whatever store I am shopping in at the time.  

Knee High Boots

Right now my calves are too freakishly wide to wear even plus sized knee high boots.  I have a feeling that (thanks to genetics) my calves would be wide even if I weighed 120 pounds.  I have to believe that shedding the weight will allow me to at least fit into SOME of them though.  I mean, ankle boots are cute as heck, but I want some sexy knee highs, dang it!!

This is the Pinterest outfit of my dreams.  I love everything about it and am trying to collect the pieces a little at a time to replicate it, but it just won't do without those knee high boots. 

Skinny Jeans

Not that original of a choice.   Every chubby chick would kill to look awesome in a pair of skinny jeans.  I wasn't sure I even liked them on skinny people when the first came out, but they have grown on me.  I would love to rock a pair at some point...maybe I could pair them with the boots!  What I really love is skinny jeans with ballet flats, though.

Short Sleeves

Ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne BAT WINGS!! I have a lot of hanging arm flab, so I pretty much refuse to wear shirts where the sleeves are above the elbow.  It may seem silly, but it is my reality.  I want to feel attractive and confident in my clothing, and short sleeves are not part of that equation.  

                           

Sun dresses

I love the light little sundresses that people wear -- maxi dresses and the like.  I would love to be able to sport these during the summer without a cardigan or shrug (back to the arm flab issue).  I have been drooling for quite some time over the many adorable dresses on Kiki LaRue's website.  I have not made a purchase yet -- but I will when I reach some of my goals.  Sun dresses just seem so breezy, care free, and pretty. These are a couple that I have had my eye on..

There are many more little things I would like to squeeze my rear into, but these are the biggest ones on my list.  In the past, I often found myself looking at some outfits and saying, "I wish I could wear something like that."   Sometimes, it is best that I don't try (for now) because it is not the kind of outfit that lends itself to a fuller figure.  HOWEVER, I have found lately that there are some styles I pine over that I CAN wear.  There is no reason I can't.  I just have tried to blend in with the walls most of my life and never really tried to accessorize or wear anything that isn't a solid color...boring, basically.  It is almost like I felt that I didn't deserve to look cute.  I know how ridiculous that sounds. I am getting over it.  I have made loads of progress in that area, and I am proud of that.