Fess Up Friday

I have some confessions to make

Confession #1: It seems like whenever I get one aspect of my fitness in check, I slack in another area.

We all know there are two basic rules to getting fit -- eating right and getting active.  Yeah, basic, my ass....ANYWAY...

Those of us who are in the thick of all of this know that all of this is much harder than these two rules.  There are mental aspects in both areas that can be a barrier.  The truth? We are our own worst enemy in most cases.

FLASH BACK - 2 WEEKS AGO:

I was getting up early and running nearly every morning.  Some days, I was doing a Jillian DVD in the evenings.  I was doing 2 workouts per day.  I felt great.   The food?  I was doing just ok.  I was not making the healthiest choices.  I would stay within my calorie allotment, but doing so by eating crap.   My "off" food days were sort of offsetting my hard work with exercise.  I was active though and feeling awesome about that.

THIS WEEK

Since doing the Advocare Cleanse (I will update you on all of that soon.), I have been eating great! I have been eating a clean and balanced diet.  I feel great about that.  Guess what, though?  I have not gotten up for my morning runs.  I have done Jillian DVDs, but only twice this week.  I love the feeling I get when I run, so why don't I do it?  I don't know the answer, other than I have been lazy.

I REALLY need to get a handle on this.

Darcy and I after completed 30 Day Shred DVD.  She likes to do it with me...kind of.  

Confession #2: I am still really insecure when I run.

When I go run, I choose hours of the day where there are fewer people out in their yards, fewer kids outside playing, and fewer cars out on the road.  I choose routes that are not as busy with traffic.  I know how ridiculous this sounds.  I really do.  I just can't seem to get over this insecurity.  I am working on it.  I try really hard to say "Screw, everyone else and their opinions about how I look!"   That is really hard though.  I revert back to the scared, timid girl I used to be in high school and, again, I have no idea why.

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I have found that blogging has become one of the best sources of support that I have ever experienced when trying to lose weight.  I don't have hundreds of followers, but those of you who do follow are consistently supportive, and I cannot thank you enough.   I describe myself as a success story in progress and that is exactly what I am.  I am still figuring all of this out.  I have not lost a crazy amount of weight...yet.  I am working on myself as a whole, and I am hoping that by taking this approach, I will see results that I can maintain. 

I saw this quote and really liked it.  It is keeping me motivated:

Runnin' With the Corn

No,I am not losin' it. Although I do picture those food macots running around at baseball games. Like the hotdog versus the bratwurst... Totally seeing myself running with mascot corn right now. Awesome!  Ok,moving on...

What I meant was this:

I took a run near my in-laws' house this morning in New Haven,IN (a small town just outside of Fort Wayne). It was such a different atmosphere and I loved every minute of it. Everything was so quiet and I saw peaceful views like that...quite different than Cincinnati.  I also didn't mind trading in the hills of the 'Nati for a flat running terrain. I know the hills are good for me in the long run,but it was a welcome change. The biggest hill I had to run on was the driveway back up to the house. 

I also know that I said I would not blog until we got home,but I lied. I am sitting

on the front porch enjoying the breeze and cooling off. Figured I may as well say hello. It won't be long though,cause I am doing this from the Blogger app on my iPhone. So,this pretty much feels like I  am sending one giant text. 

I am just so proud of myself. Usually my suitcase is packed with merely good intentions. As in there are workout clothes in there,but they never get used. Today I used them. Yesterday,I ate like a champ and FINALLY decided to focus in the great people surrounding me as opposed to the delicious,yet calorie-laden food. I know that doesn't seem like much but even "typing" about it on my little phone brings me to tears. It IS a

big deal,for me. So while I still have a lot of weight to still lose,I am making breakthroughs every single day. I am finally proud of myself,which is something I have not felt in a long time. 

So,I guess I close today with giving you the challenge of making a new breakthrough...even if it is something as small as not going back for seconds. But see,that is small to me,but it could be HUGE for you! We all have very unique battles. Fight yours the best way you know how.

Sweaty me post run. If this gal can do it,you can too. Or at least this girl is happy to be a source of support! Happy Friday,everyone!

Good Morning, Sunshine!

I have been toying with the idea of getting up early during my summer break to run -- before Tim has to go to work.  In order to get my run in, I would have to get up at 5:30 AM.  This is ok with me because that is when I get up during the school year, so I decided to give it a go.  I decided that waking up early is better because there is no one out.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am in a really insecure mode right now with my running.  I don't like an audience.  Even though I feel I handled an a-hole heckler well recently, it still irks me.  I just want to run in peace.  Running way early gives me that -- plus cooler weather.  Besides, I am hoping to develop an addiction to early morning exercise that will carry over when the new school year starts.

As I was running, I had to laugh at where my mind went.  All the things that ran through my mind were kind of humorous....sooooo, I thought I would give you a glimpse into my mind during my morning run.  This is a candid look, for sure...

Couch to 5K app says, "Run now"

Ok, I can do this.  Here I go.  Man it is cool outside this morning.  Feels nice.  All of these houses are dark, and here I am getting my workout over with.  Suckers! Man, running really just hurts.  Why do I enjoy this so much?  

Couch to 5K app says, "Walk now"

Oh, Thank God.

"Run Now"
Damn it.  Ok, here we go, again.  Why, when I run, do I feel like I am going to shat my pants?!  I REALLY don't want to have to stop back at the house to go to the bathroom.  Hope this passes.  God, my LEGS HURT!  Suck it up, Courtney!  Your legs are not going to burst into flames or explode.  You made it through CHILD BIRTH! TWICE!  You can do THIS!  You only have to run in 90 second intervals, you wimp.  WWJD?  Jesus, this hurts! Ok, that wasn't nice, you need an act of God to get you through this.  Sorry, Jesus!   Damn, how many HILLS are in this neighborhood? Is it just me or am I ALWAYS running up hill?  We really need to move to a flat subdivision.

Several running and walking intervals pass...

Running up a steepish hill, I stop running for about 10 seconds because it hurts.  Then I hear the "One minute left" warning.   "Damn it Courtney, you have a minute left.  Finish strong.  Run!"

And I did.

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And now, a photo montage dedicated to my morning run... hehe

Still a little dark out here, but oh so nice and quiet...

Sun is coming up.  Pretty! 

The obligatory heart rate monitor calorie burn pic.

The selfie of a girl happy to have already finished her workout!  Yes, I am a dork.  LOL

The look of the girl in the picture above quickly changed after seeing that the next run will require 2 and 3 minute running intervals.  Ouch!  

On a serious note...

I know it is odd to put a serious message after a bunch of silliness, but I can't help it.  The death of James Gandolfini was all over the news last night.  They say he had a heart attack and my best guess is that it was due to his weight -- that is an assumption, I know.  It is a sad reminder that I am fighting for my LIFE, here.  Those of us trying to improve our health are not just in it to look awesome in a pair of skinny jeans, but to live long, full lives.  So, I am going to try to remind myself of what exactly I am fighting for the next time I feel like staying on track is just too hard.   I urge you to do the same.  A lot of us are in this together.   We are strong.  We are capable.  We are worth it.  

The Test

Dinner is eaten.  Dishes are clean. Kids are bathed and finally in bed after a long, active day.  I am tired and thinking for any excuse to talk myself out of my workout.  There are many reasons why I believe tonight was a test...

Test #1:  When the kids were in bed, I walked across the hall to my bedroom with the intention of putting on my workout gear -- which is otherwise known as flop on bed and stare at the ceiling while trying to muster the motivation to get up and go.  Why I decide to do this on my bed, I do not know.  As I lay there, I hear thunder.  Darn!  Can't go outside and run!  The thunder rumbles, but the rain never starts.  Well, there goes that excuse!  I tell myself that I will feel great afterwards and will regret not pushing myself, so I get my running clothes on and go down the stairs and out the front door.

Test #2:  As I run, I pass my chiseled, perfect tan ab having, neighbor.  He is an unfriendly neighbor and he is also running.  Immediately, I feel inadequate.  Immediately, I feel like I am unworthy to share the road and that I am being judged.  This was test number two because overwhelming insecurity washed over me.  I immediately assumed he was scoffing at my efforts.  The reality is that he probably couldn't give two shits about what I am doing and why.  He is probably too busy planning when he is going to oil up his perfect abs.  Instead of turning around and going back in my house, I kept going.   I did not glide down the road effortlessly (well, he makes it look that way) like he did.  I have less than great form.  I am gasping for breath.  My face is fire engine red.  Who cares!  I AM DOING IT.   Besides, neighbor man wasn't born with that body.  He had to start somewhere!

I know many of you have likely already seen these meme, but it still makes me laugh.  It was what I thought of immediately as I passed neighbor guy.

Test #3:  The hills, OH GOD, the hills!!  I live in a part of Cincinnati called Western HILLS.  The word "hills" was not added in because it sounds good.  There are an ass load of hills in my neighborhood...well, in Cincinnati as a whole really.  I got to that place where putting one foot in front of the other was a challenge.  Where it burned.  Where it just hurt!  I kept moving.  I kept telling myself to put one foot in front of the other, and I did.   I did not stop.  I made it.

See, I really did make it!  I am doing Couch to 5K.  I have made it through the whole 8 weeks before, but I made the unwise decision to do it all on a treadmill because I was too insecure to run outside.  Well, running on pavement is a whole other ball game, my friends.  Therefore, I have restarted Couch to 5K and am doing all of the running outdoors.   It is so much harder and running even a minute and a half at a time hurts.  I am going to make it though.  That is a promise I have made myself.

So, all those tests that may seem insignificant to some, but were big for me.  They are all things that would have caused me to make an excuse not to finish. I am just so proud that I kept moving. Yay, me!

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