(No,Courtney, this is a pre-plastic surgery Meg Ryan typing on a really old apple laptop...)
No, reader, this is Meg Ryan as Kathleen Kelly in the great chick flick, You've Got Mail.
Anyhooo...what the heck does this have to do to with me? Am I exploring a shorter, quirky hairstyle? Do I have a new interest old school computers? Do I have a secret desire for an internet relationship with Joe Fox..err...Tom Hanks? Nope.
You see in the movie, Kathleen struggles with saying what she wants to say to people the moment she wants to say it. She struggles with confrontation and gets tongue tied. Then one day, when provoked, she finally says what she wants to say and feels bad about it. (I would include a movie clip here, by the way, but I could not find the one I want on YouTube.) That is me. Exactly. I hate confrontation and do not like saying anything mean to anyone, even if it is in my own defense or provoked.
Finally, this past week, I was provoked enough that I snapped. A co-worker was mean, unreasonable, and insulting. For the first time in my life I came back and told him exactly what was on my mind. I did so in a professional, dignified way, but it was clear that I did not appreciate his comments and that he could shove his complaints where the sun don't shine. He got the point. Afterwards, I felt awful. The thought of seeing him again made me sick to my stomach. Well, the next time he saw me, he apologized for his behavior. So, it worked, I guess. That was a HUGE step for me.
Sometimes I think my lack of ability to confront others stems from my insecurities. I can't really put a finger on the rationale behind that, but it is true. I guess deep down, I feel that if I confront others (even if justified), they will say more cruel things that will make me feel even worse about myself. Also, I hate when others are mad at me...so much so that I am a people pleaser to a fault. Again, something I need to work on.
Still proud of myself that I was able to make a step in the right direction.
I knew who Kathleen Kelly was and exactly what you were going to say! I don't say half the things on my mind but apparently I do say a lot of what I'm thinking. I am working on saying it in a more intellectual make you stop and think about yourself rather than the get out of my fn face way!
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel this way, and it is nice when you finally get the courage to stand up for yourself. It is insecurities that hold me back from saying anything too. I am learning to manage my insecurities with positive affirmations that I find on YouTube. It sounds so cheesy to say and it felt cheesy when I was listening to them but it is working. It is so new to me.
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