Rock Bottom...

I read recently that before a person can have their "a-ha!" moment for any change they want or need to make in his or her life, they have to go that place where they hit rock bottom.  The place where it seems like it can't get any worse, so it any changes in the right direction will be at least somewhat profound.  My friends, I think I am there.    I could write an upbeat post about recipes or great sports bras, but this is an honest look at my life, so I plan to be honest.

I have been trying for WEEKS to get myself on track.  I even rejoined Weight Watchers in order to get the support I thought I needed at meetings.  After a lot of thought, I have realized that I still do need support, but Weight Watchers is not for me anymore.  I decided to end my subscription and I was really depressed about that because I felt as if I had failed somehow.  The truth is that just because this method does not work for me, it does not make me a failure.   I just need to go back to the drawing board and figure out what will work for me.

The reality is that I have not been going crazy and eating bad foods.  I have been active.  There is room for improvement though.  There are things that I can do better.  I know what those things are.  It is just so damn hard to be honest with myself.  SO. DAMN. HARD.   I think it has a lot to do with admitting that I have a problem.  Admitting that I have a problem means I have a weakness.  Admitting that I have a problem means that I have failed in an area of my life.  I don't like to fail.  I have an extremely difficult accepting when I fail.  Is this an issue? Yes!  Is this part of my battle? Absolutely!  It is so important that I decide to work on being kinder to myself while embracing healthier habits like proper diet and exercise.  It is not going to be easy, but as I sit here typing this with tears in  my eyes, I have realized that this is one of those rock bottom moments.  One of those moments where I feel powerless.  HOWEVER, now is the time to be empowered rather than surrender to a lack there of.

I will do this.  It will be hard and it will not be overnight.  Just be patient with me as I stumble along the path.