If Eating Brownie Batter is Wrong, then I Don't Want to be Right!

Today sucked.  Work was a frustrating nightmare.  I came home feeling tired, grumpy, and defeated.  However a few good things did happen today.

Good thing numero uno...

I woke my sleepy butt up at 4:30 AM this morning and did a Jillian Body Revolution DVD.  I did it!  Of course, I DID plan ahead to make getting out of bed a little "easier." ;)

  

• Set the alarm sound to "Trill" -- quite possibly the MOST annoying tone ever AND the most terrifying when you are in a deep sleep.  That sucker goes off and I practically leap out of bed.

• Snooze is turned OFF, my friends!

• I sort of gave myself a "motivational" message to go along with my wake up call.  Yes, I typed to get my fat ass out of bed.  Self deprecating humor is even funny at 4:30 AM.  I just think it is funny that my alarm can call me names.  ;)

Good thing numéro deux...

I ate a brownie and a taste of brownie batter.  Ok, you may be wondering..."Uh does this chick know how healthy eating works? Should we tell her that brownies are not in the good healthy guidelines?"   

You see, I make kick ass, from scratch fudge brownies.  Tomorrow is my husband's birthday and he love these brownies.  Therefore, because I am the best wife ever -- naturally --, I made him a pan of birthday brownies.   Now, remember that I have had a really bad day and I had a bowl of umm nummy brownie batter right in front of me.  Before, I would have eaten it by the spoonful to make me feel better.  Today, I took a small taste, dumped that batter in the pan, shoved it in the oven, and washed that bowl out before I had a chance to stoop low enough to lick it. 

I also ate a small brownie because I had mucho points left at the end of this crappy day.  So, I finished my day with a delicious, warm brownie.  I had the points.  I counted it.  Done.  This is about lifestyle change.  It is about moderation and self-control.  It is about having one small brownie and not the whole pan, or one small taste batter and not shoveling it in.  I do not want to live in a world where I can never eat another brownie!  Craziness!

Well, I am heading out now.  Time to go to bed, so that damn trill so Jillian can kick my butt tomorrow morning!

And apparently, I took a blogging vacation...

I started this blog back in August and I have very few (if any) people who actually read it.  I am hoping to change that, but it would helpful if I actually submitted entries.  Here is the thing...I started this blog as a way to journal my thoughts as I meander along the path towards better health and wellness.  Unfortunately, when things went bad for me, I went into denial mode.  I blamed EVERYTHING but my lackluster efforts for the fact that the weight loss had ceased to exist.  I also avoided my blog because blogging about my wellness pitfalls would be like admitting that I was the problem.  Is this a productive outlook?  No, but it is exactly what I was doing.  I am ready to face the music now and promise to record both my successes and pitfalls in the hope the honesty will keep me on a productive path.  Also, it is good for readers (as few as they may be at this point) to read about struggles.  In reality, it can be just as helpful as reading about success.  

Anyway, what have I been doing?  Well on the positive side, I "ran" my first 5K in back in October -- the color run.  It was really fun, but I was disappointed in my performance.  You see, I was training on a treadmill.   I was running 3 miles straight with no breaks and doing awesome!  I knew that running on pavement would be different, but I did not realize HOW different.  I was in pain really early on and had to walk a lot more of it than I had anticipated.  I was disappointed in myself, but was also glad that I had even put myself out there to begin with.  Signing up for a 5K is something that I would have never imagined myself doing in a million years...and there I was...purple hair and all!

This is me before the run.  I was SO COLD!

This is me afterwards!  I am so glad that purple dust washed out!! Not many guidance counselors out there with purple hair!  ;)

So, I have made positive strides during my blog break.  I think the biggest breakthrough I encountered was simply admitting that I cannot do this alone.  Because I need the support, I decided to rejoin Weight Watchers.  The meetings and accountability mean a lot to me because it is a constant reminder that I am not alone in this battle.  Plus, it has been the plan that I have been the most successful with in the past.

Here's to a new start!  This is one of the few circumstances in life where you can start with a clean slate.  I am taking advantage of it!