Choose Your Hard

Everyone who begins a journey towards a healthier lifestyle, has that "aha!" moment which gets them off the couch and moving -- that gets them motivated.  For many people it is seeing themselves in a photograph or a home video.  You sort of get that horrified feeling where you think, "I really look like THAT!"  Trust me, I have had many of those moments.  Sometimes they got me to start a "diet".  The diet lasted just a few days or a week if I was lucky.  Then, I was back in my old routine -- throwing caution to the wind...getting fatter and fatter.  I still see those pictures of me that make me want to puke, but none of those pictures ever motivated me like the phrase that is strategically placed at the top of this blog entry.  THIS is what got me off my overweight ass.  This could quite possibly be the phrase that saved my life.  "Why?" you may ask.  Well, because it is true...painfully, true.  It makes so much sense!  Yes, losing weight is hard, but so is being fat!  Why not choose the healthier of the two "hards?"

So, in honor of this phrase, I am going to list the things that are hard about being fat vs. getting fit.  Drumroll, please...

BEING FAT:

1. The way it eats away at my self-confidence
2. My knees getting bad at the age of 33 (that shouldn't happen)
3. Being winded after climbing stairs
4. Not being able to shop in regular stores
5. Having feet too wide for the REALLY cute shoes
6. Having calves way to wide to wear knee high boots  (can you tell I am bitter about the lack of footwear options I have sometimes?)
7. I could die before my time due to heart disease or any number of illnesses that could have been preventable.
8. That one is worth repeating -- I COULD DIE...and it could have been preventable.
9. Not being able to buy tank tops or shirts with really short sleeves because of my horrible, hanging arm fat.
10. Feeling helpless and less important
11. Hating to look in the mirror
12. The self consciousness that just gnaws away at me in pretty much any social situation

LOSING WEIGHT

1. Having to get my butt up to exercise even when I would rather watch TV
2. Counting every calorie I put in my mouth
3. Not being able to eat exactly what I want, when I want to eat it.
4. Pushing myself physically to places I didn't know I could go
5. Having to buy smaller clothes due to my shrinking ass.......

Hmmm....Losing weight isn't seeming so "hard" is it?  I mean, even the "hard" things in the this category are good things.  I have chosen my difficult task -- and it is to lose this weight!

Skinny Chicken Pot Pie -- Yummy!

Tonight I tried a recipe for Skinny Chicken Pot Pie.  I adapted it slightly from Mama Laughlin's version of this recipe.  There is nothing at all wrong with her recipe.  I was just in a hurry and wanted more veggies.

The modifications I made were:

1. Instead of boiling raw carrots, onions, and celery, I prepared a package of Steamfresh mixed vegetables in the microwave.  I added these veggies and some fresh chopped onion to the broth mixture for the filling.
2. Instead of using the 2 cups of liquid from the boiled vegetables (I did not have any cause I steamed my veggies), I just added two additional cups of chicken broth

The verdict?  It turned out to be delicious!  It didn't feel like I was eating a skinny version of anything! If you are interested in trying the recipe, click here for Mama Laughlin's recipe.  

Working on the inside...

So, it is no secret that I have been working on weight loss for quite some time now.  Hell, it is hard to think of a time when I haven't  (at least in my own half-assed way) been working on it.  When I was pregnant, maybe?  I even worked on it as a child.  At least to an extent.  I was a fat kid and I can still remember my mother packing me alternate snacks for snack time at school so that I could lose weight.  A bit on the humiliating side...   Anyway, that is another story for another time.  The point is, that I have been working on it (no matter how badly), for what seems like forever.  So, why am I still 100 pounds overweight?  It seems to me that I did it out of a feeling of obligation or a form of punishment. I never really grasped it as a lifestyle change at all.

In January 2006, I lost roughly 40 pounds and I was feeling great!  My confidence was up.  I felt better and I really looked great.  So, what happened?  Well, life happened.  I went through some personal struggles with a family member that sent me out of control again.  As much as this person hurt me, I realize now that I cannot blame them for not only losing control but also sight of my goal.  This event made me extremely vulnerable and scared.  It was almost as if I had retreated back into a child's mindset.  All of my insecurities came rushing back.  While I was working on my health at the time, I never worked on my mental health.  I think that was the problem.

This time (although my loss has been slower), I am determined to work on all of me rather than the scale.  So far I have done better than I ever have because I have become more dedicated to physical activity.  Running has become a type of therapy for me that I cannot describe.  I just know that I always feel better and a real sense of accomplishment when I am finished.

I have been reading Winning by Losing: Drop the Weight, Change your Life by Jillian Michaels.  I am sorry, but I really really like her.  Her insights make so much sense to me.  In the book, she challenges you to answer questions about your negative self image.  She suggests writing the answers down in a journal.  Well, this is my journal.  So here goes...



Do you have a negative self image?
Yes.  I know I am an intelligent,kind,capable person.  The negativity has more to do with the way I am physically.  Mirrors and any reflective surface are not my friends.  You know when you leave the house feeling great about the way you look that day and then you see your reflection in the glass door as you walk into work and all of that changes?  It seems like that is me...every day.  




Do you lack self-confidence?
Again, yes.  I work hard and do well in my professional life.  I have great friends and a supportive family.  One would think that would be enough to foster at least some level of self-confidence.  Even when I am doing something well, I tend to second guess myself.  I am not sure where this comes from or why.  




Do you feel powerless?
Oddly, no.  I am well aware that the power for change is somewhere inside of me.  Actually, I have felt more power in the past few months than I have in my entire life.  I think I just decided to put away the excuses and do something about my situation.




Do you label yourself in negative or self-deprecating ways?
Yeah, every now and then.  I have always seen myself as the "chubby chick."  I have always been the fat, nice girl.  You know?  The one where people say things like, "But you have such a pretty face."  Gee thanks.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard that as a child and young adult, I would be able to pay a personal trainer...




How is this negativity serving you?
It isn't doing jack shit for me.  I think we all know the answer to this question.  It is not helping me reach my goals.  A negative dialog is not going to get me to my goal.  It isn't going to give me the confidence I need to run that extra mile or to walk away from the chocolate cake.  I need to tell the bully inside of me to shut the hell up, quite frankly.

Oven Fried Chicken -- Family Pleasing Dinner Success!!

Tried a new recipe tonight and it was so good! It was also super duper easy. Basically just dredge some boneless,skinless chicken breast through honey mustard salad dressing and coat in Corn Flake crumbs. Bake at 425 for about 25 minutes (turn the chicken at the 15 minute mark). It was moist and crunchy! Tim is not a fan of honey mustard, so I ran a few pieces through A.1. marinade instead. He had seconds,so it must have been good! I have not run the exact calorie count yet, but it is a Weight Watchers recipe. The points count is at 7. Served it with veggies and instant mashed potatoes (my family prefers the flakes) made with skim milk.

This one was a keeper! Yummy!!

Past few days...

I have not posted anything for the past few days.  It isn't because nothing is going on, but rather because I have been too lazy to sit here and figure out something to say or how to say it intelligently.  So, here are some highlights...

Monday, I had a job interview.  It was a last attempt to get out of my current job for the next school year.  I love my chosen profession (school counselor), but I strongly dislike the school for which I work.  The students are great, but the morale of the staff is as low as morale can get in the work place.  It is depressing and dysfunctional.  I want out.  Sooo, I had this interview and it went great!   It was one of those situations where you leave and you don't have that voice inside your head chastising you and telling you what you should have done or said.  That voice that makes you cringe because something stupid you said.  There was none of that.  I feel like I have a good chance, but now is the time where I have to play the waiting game.   I am waiting for the phone call which will either reject me or accept me with open arms.  Either way, I will survive.  I just want to know.  That's all...

Tuesday, I began week 8 of the Couch to 5K program.  This is overdue, but after my awesome vacation which lacked running or jogging of any kind, I decided to set myself back a couple weeks to get back into the swing of things.  Week 8, Day 1 involves 25 minutes of non stop running.  This is really hard.  I am not giving up though.  The problem? About halfway through I inevitably have to use the bathroom!!  I always make a pitstop before I begin my run, but that doesn't matter.  So, I am taking a bathroom break, which shouldn't be allowed.  However, I refuse to wear Depends while I exercise.  I mean, I bought these running pants that actually make my butt look pretty good.  I really don't want a crumpled diaper showing through.  (haha)  Anyway, I made it through and tonight I do the second round.  I hope I make it out alive...

Wednesday, I did a couple things.  I tried a new Skinnytaste.com recipe (Cajun Chicken and Pasta on the Lighter Side) and it was a-freakin'-mazing!!  YUM.   I also started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.  Man, I didn't burn nearly as many calories with this workout as with running, but it was ROUGH!  I woke up this morning and I am so sore!  It is the good kind of sore though.  Sore from a good workout means that it is working.   So, I will keep trying.  I plan to alternate running and Jillian.  Hopefully the addition of the new workout will help to get me more toned.  Gotta tighten up this jiggle a bit!

Nacholicious

I know I am trying to focus on eating healthy foods, but there is something about Taco Bell's nacho cheese.  That stuff is OUTSTANDING.  Man, if it wouldn't slowly kill me, I would eat it with a spoon...out of a trough.  In order to sway me from consuming it, I thought I would be smart and look up the ingredients -- hoping that the main ingredient would be so horrific that I would never want it to cross my lips again.  What is the main ingredient? Nonfat milk. Damn.  

Oh well, there are plenty of giant processed food like words in the ingredients to sway me for now.  

The Loves of My Life

Need I say more?  The other love of my life is not pictured, but he was at work and rarely allows himself to be photographed.  Took the kids to the zoo today and had a great time!  I love having summers off with them!  Even better...I burned over 800 calories walking around the zoo.  Score!!

It's been a long time...

Well, I have done really well with this blog.  I have posted once -- the introduction post, mind you -- since March.  Oh well, as I said, this blog is mostly so I can get my thoughts and feelings down in writing for personal reasons.  I guess the lack of posts means that I did not need this.  Now, I feel like I kinda do...

For the past twelve weeks or so, I have started to make a conscious effort to better myself -- health wise.  I feel like if  I better my physical health, the rest will fall into place (more or less).  It has not been easy, but I have done a lot of soul searching and research and found a method that is slowly working for me.  So, why the sudden change in heart?  It occurred to me that if I don't take control of my health NOW, then I am going to die.  Yes, of course, we are all going to die....but if I don't get control now I am going to die before I should.  I would hate to leave my children and husband before my time because it was so important that I eat with abandon and work on deepening the butt groove on my side of the sofa.

Well, how have I approached my new lifestyle?  Well, I will share that now...

1. I did my research -- I found out that a lot of things were compromising my metabolism.  I learned that soy products (especially the processed ones) and artificial sweeteners were screwing with my hormone balance and this was having a direct influence on my weight loss.  I had gone weeks where I thought I was eating well, but my diet included a lot of soy and sweeteners.  During those weeks, I never lost (and sometimes gained) weight.  I also learned the harm in processed food products.  So, I have also decided to eat more cleanly.  A really great book on this topic is Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels.  She has some great advice -- most of which I have followed.  The only thing I cannot get fully on board with is the concept of eating all organic foods.  I am sorry, but it is not economically feasible for me to purchase a quart of strawberries for $6.00.  I try to buy organic products when I can, I am just not fully on board with purchasing these products exclusively.  
2. Calorie Counting -- Weight loss is basically calories in and calories out.  I decided to begin counting calories instead of following Weight Watcher points, etc., so that I can know exactly what I am consuming and  burning.  I have had success with Weight Watchers, but not knowing the calories seemed like a disadvantage to me.  Plus, it wasn't working for me any more.  People think of calorie counting and they think of it as being tedious -- which I am sure it can be.  I began using an awesome (and free) calorie counting website called My Fitness Pal.  Here I can keep track of my daily calorie intake and burn.  This is all done with a very user-friendly online diary.  They have a data base which includes nearly every food you would need-- including restaurants.  You can even scan bar  codes off food items and it will find it in the data base for you.  I have found very few foods which were not in the database.  It is a fantastic resource.
3. Exercise --  One of the most noticeable elements missing from my lifestyle change was activity.  I have never been athletic or really had ever found a physical activity that I didn't ultimately get tired of after a short amount of time.  During the first week, I started off by walking on the treadmill.   That was boring to me.  So, then I started jogging -- well that's more like it!  So, I was walking/jogging a mile or so every night.  That was good and all, but I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.  I wanted to increase my endurance, but I wasn't sure how to go about it.  Then, after seeing other friends post about it on Facebook, I decided to pursue the Couch to 5K program.  I started it and I haven't looked back.  It really works as far as increasing endurance and the intervals in the beginning stages are a great means for burning fat.  It has also increased my self confidence.  I am proud of myself!  I never believed that running would be an activity I could do for any length of time -- let alone enjoy!   I am signed up for my first 5K (The Color Run) in October.  

These are all works in progress.  There are still days where I want to eat a pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups more than I want to work out -- even though I know what is best for me.  There are still many many days where I don't get all the water in that I should (I REALLY need to work on this.) I am not perfect and I have a long, long way to go.  I am hoping to get there though -- mostly for my health and to improve my self-image.  I kind of also want to do it to show all those people out there that I did it!  So many of them are used to me losing a little and gaining back or never losing at all.  I want to prove that I am not all talk.  Here's hoping!

Weight Check-In:
Starting Weight: 263
Current Weight: 249
Total Loss: 14 pounds